Big Boy!

So I am sitting here having myself a little cry, I just got my baby to sleep for the night WITHOUT a bottle...and it was not even hard...It took more time but he didn't even cry or ask for it..I think I am the one that is not ready for it but it's happening...no bottle means he isn't a baby anymore and although I am so perfectly happy and wouldn't change a thing for some reason it is still hard to see that he is growing up so fast. He is still my baby just a big hyper chatty toddler baby ha ha! He is so perfect in every way and I am cherishing every moment, but it's crazy how fast everything goes and how hard it is for ME to let go of these little things. He was so cute as he was falling asleep he of course has to have his hands on my bare belly...because ever since I stopped nursing him he always has to do that to go to sleep :) and I love it and the day he stops needing that to comfort him I will also cry...but anyways all of the suddne he whispers "noman" (snowman) then says "noman santa santa davey davey tawee tawee (scary)" then just starts babbling.. ha it was so sweet, he is such a little jibber jabberer I was laughing he was so cute today walking around just babbling its so cute. Earlier today we were playing and I was laying on my back and he was sitting on me and I would sit up and make a funny noise to make him laugh and then if I sat up too long he pushed my face back so I would lay back down it was so funny I couldn't stop laughing and that of course made him laugh even more. He is so aware of what is going on now and he thinks things are so funny it's so cute. When mom had him yesterday while I was at work he would put the blanket over his head so she would say where is koston and she said he was just giggling under the blanket which is sooo cute, I am sad I missed it..:( I am sad that I miss anything with him it is so hard but I have to work so I am trying to stay more positive about it because it is easier if I am positive. Starting next week I am going to straight nights and I am really excited, they seem to be easier..I feel like I miss less when I am there at night then being gone all day, I just hope we get more patients soon cause I keep getting cancelled and it stresses me out bad..not that I want more people to have cancer because trust me I really don't, I just wish that we would be the ones to treat them and not just because we all need the hours but I really think we have an amazing team up on E8, and if I had leukemia I would want loving caring nurses and amazingly smart doctors and PA's and I think that is what our unit has, and I really am grateful to be a part of it, I am so grateful that I can help people who are so sick and to let them into my heart, even though that can make it harder sometimes I wouldn't change it for the world, there are so many amazing wonderful I have met and loved and lost at work and I still grieve for them and their families and always will, they have touched my heart and my life in ways I never thought would come from being a nurse and I am so glad for that. I think that is all I can talk about tonight, tomorrow is Kami's big wedding day I am so excited to photograph her wedding, she is one of my amazing coworker nurses and friends and so i better get to bed for the big day!